Sitting in a room full of fucked up individuals, me and my team look around at the supposed to be educators in the school we are serving. It amazed me how many "educators," "role models" and "leaders" were supposed to be in the room, yet it seemed like just a bunch of clowns, brats and people who decided to teach because they hadn't found their calling yet. Now, I'm not trying to be judgmental, but it was in that moment 2 years ago that I realized that teachers and educators are humans too. And while many have a gift for teaching, it doesn't mean that they wanted or were willing to be a positive role model at the same time. Case and point, you can be the greatest calculus teacher in the world, but if you're coming to your students' home coming high and drunk as hell.... you need to get your priorities straight...
Not judging just my opinion... Okay so I'm judging... OH WELL :-P
Anyway...
We are sitting in this room and so many adults, much older than the folks on my team and my 23 year old self at the time, are acting like children; like little brats. I'm shocked, weeks later I feel like I too was beginning to behave more childlike... at that moment a member of my service team turns to me and says, "you know... we are who we are... people don't change." And I was baffled. This still replays in my head till this day because it is sooooooooo true.
One big paradox... we can change soooo much, with out changing at all.
And I hadn't changed, I've had much growth, but no actual change. I just didn't realize certain parts of who I was. I needed to meet some one who would point them out to me. Just as we all do at times.
And this year at 25, I met some one.
I had no idea I was into crystal stones until about February 2015. But when I think about my past, I have always had precious stones. I stole my mothers and lost them so many times because my fascination with them wouldn't allow me to let her keep them in the kitchen cabinet. I had a whole set of heart shaped stone pendants gifted to me by a boy friend when I was about 13, and I would always purchase them when I traveled overseas in college. I was always attracted to them. And now I have discovered through a good friend how they work and enhance lives. It's a very exciting experience and journey. It reminds me how much of my self was already defined before I even started to become an adult, let alone a teenager.
Come to think of it I never liked taking medications either. Pepto and any other liquids would make me immediately vomit, pills never seemed to work... EVER... I mean the only medications I felt worked ended up making something else go wrong with my body... (Damn antibiotics... grrr)... I mean I couldn't even make my cramps from my menses go away, not even when I took 10 midol pills thinking I would die from the pain before I'd die from the pills... Also dont ever do that... its not smart... But man nothing that I could get at the drugstore helped. I had no idea how to cure pain or illnesses I felt until my hair started falling out.
That's right. My thick beautiful hair was falling out and I felt like I was going bald right in the front of my head. It was then I realized I needed to be using natural medicines, I needed to clean up my diet and divorce the habits of just eating to feed my self and start eating to live. So while in college I stopped eating meat and fast food and I started using other hollistic methods to heal myself like using essential oils and aroma therapy for sickness and cramps. Maybe my genetic make up was never suited for man made poisions, maybe thats why all those other medications never worked. I mean for a long time I felt amazing, 2 and a half years to be exact... Until I started eating meat, fast food and processed junk again. I guess old habits die hard, and that first time around was too easy.
But we are who we are, right?
Right!
There is a reason we like what we like when we are children. There is a reason we have certain gifts and talents. There is a reason we respond to certain stimuli the way we do... Some times we just need that gentle reminder... to look in the past... like a sankofa bird... and really find ourselves.
Have you ever looked in your past and discovered something about yourself? If so, what was it? How did you react when you made the discovery?
Thanks for reading!
-@asc3nsion_
Not judging just my opinion... Okay so I'm judging... OH WELL :-P
Anyway...
We are sitting in this room and so many adults, much older than the folks on my team and my 23 year old self at the time, are acting like children; like little brats. I'm shocked, weeks later I feel like I too was beginning to behave more childlike... at that moment a member of my service team turns to me and says, "you know... we are who we are... people don't change." And I was baffled. This still replays in my head till this day because it is sooooooooo true.
One big paradox... we can change soooo much, with out changing at all.
And I hadn't changed, I've had much growth, but no actual change. I just didn't realize certain parts of who I was. I needed to meet some one who would point them out to me. Just as we all do at times.
And this year at 25, I met some one.
I had no idea I was into crystal stones until about February 2015. But when I think about my past, I have always had precious stones. I stole my mothers and lost them so many times because my fascination with them wouldn't allow me to let her keep them in the kitchen cabinet. I had a whole set of heart shaped stone pendants gifted to me by a boy friend when I was about 13, and I would always purchase them when I traveled overseas in college. I was always attracted to them. And now I have discovered through a good friend how they work and enhance lives. It's a very exciting experience and journey. It reminds me how much of my self was already defined before I even started to become an adult, let alone a teenager.
Come to think of it I never liked taking medications either. Pepto and any other liquids would make me immediately vomit, pills never seemed to work... EVER... I mean the only medications I felt worked ended up making something else go wrong with my body... (Damn antibiotics... grrr)... I mean I couldn't even make my cramps from my menses go away, not even when I took 10 midol pills thinking I would die from the pain before I'd die from the pills... Also dont ever do that... its not smart... But man nothing that I could get at the drugstore helped. I had no idea how to cure pain or illnesses I felt until my hair started falling out.
That's right. My thick beautiful hair was falling out and I felt like I was going bald right in the front of my head. It was then I realized I needed to be using natural medicines, I needed to clean up my diet and divorce the habits of just eating to feed my self and start eating to live. So while in college I stopped eating meat and fast food and I started using other hollistic methods to heal myself like using essential oils and aroma therapy for sickness and cramps. Maybe my genetic make up was never suited for man made poisions, maybe thats why all those other medications never worked. I mean for a long time I felt amazing, 2 and a half years to be exact... Until I started eating meat, fast food and processed junk again. I guess old habits die hard, and that first time around was too easy.
But we are who we are, right?
Right!
There is a reason we like what we like when we are children. There is a reason we have certain gifts and talents. There is a reason we respond to certain stimuli the way we do... Some times we just need that gentle reminder... to look in the past... like a sankofa bird... and really find ourselves.
Have you ever looked in your past and discovered something about yourself? If so, what was it? How did you react when you made the discovery?
Thanks for reading!
-@asc3nsion_